Tonight I feel wrung out. It was the boys' final day at their old School today. Usually the end of year is filled with celebration and plans for the summer and the taste of freedom in the air. But today was different. Mark sobbed (this is the child who seldom sheds a tear), their friends sobbed. Leaving is hard, even when you are excited about the possibilities that the future has in store.
And I feel such a wrench in my gut when I look at the now-redundant uniforms in the laundry basket. Have we done the right thing? Will they be as happy somewhere else? Will they make friends as precious as the ones they already have? I know, as a parent, you are constantly making decisions that affect your child. But usually they are the incremental type and the burden of responsibility doesn't weigh too heavily.
I'm sure the fact that they aren't at home, safe under my wing, makes me feel worse. Hubby has taken them to Wales. It seemed a good idea at the time - to take their minds off any residual upset. But we seem to have once again fallen victim to the curse of our family's camping trips. If you've been reading this blog for a while, you might recall the spring camping trip with the biggest snow dump of the year or the trip where torrential rain and flash floods closed the site. Well, it's raining again and he's just telephoned to tell me that he forgot the sleeping bags. But, and I quote, 'Don't worry, we're improvising'.
Please tell me it's not just us who make it up as we go along.
Everybody makes it up as they go along, especially the ones who look like the know what they are doing! We have had tears here this evening too and it isn't even last day of school! Bigger small people are worried about leaving their reception class and going on to the next one. Isn't it amazing what troubles their little minds?
I'm sure you have made the right decision and the boys will be fine, despite the forgotten sleeping bags
Posted by: Lucy | 17 July 2009 at 21:31
How do you "improvise" a sleeping bag? Or are you not thinking about that!!!
I don't know anyone who doesn't make it up as they go along - or who doesn't put themselves through the wringer whenever they have to make a big decision on their children's behalf. Trust your instincts, Ali, you didn't change schools on a whim!!
Hope you have someting nice planned for tomorrow? Sounds like you need it, my friend.
Posted by: Karen J | 17 July 2009 at 21:38
Everything is going to be just fine :) Perhaps you just need some retail therapy on Columbia Road? Thinking of you...and the boys in the rain! K x
Posted by: kristina | 17 July 2009 at 22:24
How lovely of your hubby to whisk them off for a boys' adventure! I'm sure this one will go down in the family folklore as "the one where we had to use....as sleeping bags".
Probably best not fill in the gaps!
And yes, everyone makes it up as they go along. It is hard enough when they leave a school because it's the natural step but when you've made that decision.....It's natural to feel wobbly.
When we put ours back into school after home-educating them we both felt sick. But it's all worked out fine. Just as your decision will.
Posted by: Deb | 17 July 2009 at 22:33
delurking to say that I understand completely. We're homeschooling and I worry every day that it's a mistake. I hope you have a lovely weekend.
Posted by: Jennifer | 17 July 2009 at 22:38
I know how you feel about moving schools, even now I worry that somewhere along the line we made the wrong choices for Edward, but I know that in the end, it WILL be for the best :)
As a parent you only ever do you best, and no one can ever question that :)
ps coats instead of sleeping bags?
Posted by: raspberry | 17 July 2009 at 22:46
If we didn't make it up as we went along we would be no better than robots!
Schooling is so hard an issue for everybody - you just need to hold onto the thought that you are doing what is best for your boys - not worst !
Posted by: mary | 18 July 2009 at 01:16
Oh, Ali, I think every one of us makes it up as we go along. I know you know that, but it helps to hear out loud once in a while, doesn't it?
I think about the decisions I/we make constantly... Recently, when I was watching my kids play in our 8' x 8' grassless "backyard," I felt such a pang that we didn't buy the house with a fabulous backyard five years ago, and instead opted for the townhouse with slightly better household square footage. Everything impacts everything else, but it all works out. I can imagine the backyard barbeques and days spent blowing bubbles and growing veggies and plants in that backyard of that other place, but I can't imagine life without my daughter's wonderful elementary school teachers now. Who's to say which is better? But my kids are happy, loved, and they know it. Yours are, too. I don't think I'm writing any of this the way I mean it, but I'm thinking of you and the most important thing is that your kids know they're loved more than anything, and you support them. Everything else is secondary.
And sleeping bags... so overrated.
Hugs to you.
Posted by: Michelle | 18 July 2009 at 01:42
Kids are very resilient, more than you'd think they are. They will make new friends - after all, when we adults start a new job, eventually we make new friends don't we. My daughter started at a new school last September. She went from a small village school of 60 kids to a large middle school of over 700 pupils. I was apprehensive to say the least. But yesterday I sent her to school with a card for the headteacher to say how happy she is and how pleased I am with the school, and that he should be proud of what he does. Give it time, keep an eye on the children and chances are they'll be fine. (doesn't make leaving any easier does it!)
And when they're back from their camping trip, go and read The tent, the bucket and me by Emma Kennedy. Not high-brow literature but you'll be crying - but this time with laughter.
Posted by: Cybèle de Jong | 18 July 2009 at 07:21
Don't worry - you have to trust your instinct as parents. We moved our children twice for different reasons and never regretted either decision. They WILL make new friends AND they will still keep the best of their friends from their last school so they end up with more friends.
The most difficult decisions are always the discretionary ones where 'do nothing' is a valid option.
As to the 'Mum, I need a sleeping bag for my six week trip but I forgot it' issue - fortunately, there was one in the back of the car. Ta Dah!
Posted by: Alice C | 18 July 2009 at 07:46
No, you're not the only one who's always winging it. Far from it. And I'm sure you've made your decision for the right reasons, and the boys will be absolutely fine. Change is always hard at the time!
Posted by: dottycookie | 18 July 2009 at 09:39
We are all just flying by the seat of our pants, trying our best and hoping things turn out well. Trust your judgement.
Posted by: French Knots | 18 July 2009 at 09:42
Camping in this country is camping of the most challenging kind...especially in Wales! Hope the weather picks up!
Posted by: Jane Weston | 18 July 2009 at 09:43
As parents most of us worry over most of the decisions we make which effect our children. It's just what we do!
Hope all are having fun this weekend.
Lisa x
Posted by: Lisa | 18 July 2009 at 09:54
You are not making it up as you go along! You are tackling issues and making important desisions.
Posted by: Kristy | 18 July 2009 at 10:12
Your boys will be just fine. By the end of the holidays, I'm sure they will have forgotten yesterday's tears. I had to move No2 and like Alice says, he ended up with twice as many friends.
Hope you have a lovely weekend.
Posted by: Dragonfly | 18 July 2009 at 12:53
I don't remember a day when we didn't make it up as we went along. I decided about six months ago that I'd just worked out how to deal with preschoolers - this knowledge would have been much more useful to have had eight years ago.
There's no point dealing in 'What if's. You made a decision for all the right reasons; a few tears don't erase those reasons.
Posted by: The Coffee Lady | 18 July 2009 at 12:57
The hardest thing about being an adult is that you have to make the decisions. Sometimes I really long to be a child for a few days, not a parent, and have someone else make all the big decisions! Much easier.
I am sure all will be well though. You can't get through life without a good sob every now and then, but it doesn't mean that the wrong decision has been made.
And I'm sure the adventure of camping without sleeping bags will take their mind off the end of term!
Posted by: The List Writer | 18 July 2009 at 13:43
I'm sure they will be having a smashing time with their dad.
Posted by: lazylol | 18 July 2009 at 15:12
I'm sure you did whatever you thought was best for your boys and, as a good parent, of course no decision is ever that simple or straightforward. Hope you manage to enjoy your summer.
Posted by: lina | 18 July 2009 at 15:27
We definately make it up as we go along and our camping trips also seem to include bad weather each time and we have another next week and heavy rain is forecast for when we are going - joy!!
Posted by: Thimbleina | 18 July 2009 at 15:38
Just to add my name to the many above, yes, we certainly make it up as we go along here! Eldest left her third primary school yesterday and it amazes me how easily she has coped with it all.
Your 2 lovely boys will be fine and settle very well in their new environment in no time at all. Remember all the reasons why you are doing this and also, that the tears they've shed this week are evidence of the positive experiences they take from their old school into the new. xx
Posted by: Victoria Leather | 18 July 2009 at 17:39
I KNOW you're not the only ones that make it up as you go along! I hope their improvised sleeping bags work though!!!
As for the boys leaving school - there must have been very good reasons behind why you decided to move them and I'm sure everything will work out really well for you all.
Take care
Lucy xx
Posted by: Lucy Locket-Pocket | 18 July 2009 at 18:59
We moved abroad for work, and were there 3 years. The children were very upset at leaving good friends they'd made there, but we explained that everyone moves on eventually-and we were the ones doing something exciting.
Of course they made more friends, and kept the old ones. It's also given the eldest a real taste for travel.
Nothing stays the same, maybe one of your boys' friends would have moved.
And as for camping without sleeping bags...they don't call it roughing it for no reason! Much more of an adventure.
Posted by: Rattling On | 19 July 2009 at 09:08
No, you're not the only one's making it up as you go along. I constantly look at other 'grown up' parents who seem to know everything about their children, mind, body and soul. I feel like another kid who's playing catch up with all the other parents. Hoping all the time I won't be caught out as the rank amateur that I am!
Oh and last time my boys went camping my husband forgot the sleeping mattresses...they improvised! They lived!
Posted by: jenny | 19 July 2009 at 12:25
Your boys will be fine, they'll probably remember this trip all their lives! Oh and I recommend The tent the bucket and me by Emma Kennedy too, I'm just reading it now and it's hilarious...you think you're cursed?!
Posted by: gill | 19 July 2009 at 18:56
Hi there! Well thank you for your message, that cake was good indeed, not much left of it either! I hope everything got sorted out with the camping trip!
Lou x
Posted by: Louise | 19 July 2009 at 19:50
Twiglet left nursery on Friday to start reception at BIG school in September, although he knows some children in his class he is moving to our local school and went to nursery elsewhere. He took this in his little 4 year old stride, him Mummy blubbed however on his last day, sigh!!!
Twiggy x
Posted by: Twiggy | 19 July 2009 at 23:01
Oh dear! I hope hubby hasn't forgotten the tent too! Maybe they are improvising in a nice cosy hotel! (By the way the mealworms were what I had from a while back when I stocked up on wild bird food to feed the birds in the winter months. It would be very scary if I just happened to have meal worms lying around!!! x
Posted by: simone | 21 July 2009 at 08:03
I definately make it up as I go along!! I'm sure your boys will settle into their new school just fine. Monster's best friend since pre-school is moving to a new school in September - they've been in the same class for 5 years! The boys have been fine about it but us Mums have been in tears!!
As for the camping trip - it's going to be remembered for ever as 'the time we forgot our sleeping bags and had to shear a sheep with nail scissors to make a wolly blanket' ;)
xxx
xxx
Posted by: Lesley | 21 July 2009 at 21:20
i hate camping.
and I love reading your posts about camping.
it just proves that I am right.
camping is NOT FUN!
best of luck with the new school when they finish hols.
Posted by: Tiel | 22 July 2009 at 11:26