Theft

Someone out there is stealing time from me. I know this, because I seem to be in a permanent state of rush. Stomach churning and heart thudding because for each thing I accomplish, I am conscious of three more which I want to be doing.

On my way to work, I pass a coffee shop. And I watch women like me - women with children and jobs and domestic obligations. But they sit and enjoy the interlude in their day. Why can I not give myself permission to do the same?

And I don't mean going for a coffee - I can do that any time, of course I can. But I am struggling with putting the imperatives on hold and enjoying the moment.

And so everything ends up feeling like a chore or an imposition. And the pleasure is sucked out of life. An existence robbed of pleasure. And that really is a crime.

Comments

[raspberry]

I totally know what you mean, I get the same feeling when 'friends' of mine tell me what they have been doing, and I just sit there thinking 'how??'

What I am now trying to do is allocate times of the day, and days of the week to do certain things, so now, Friday morning is cleaning morning, I know it sounds anal, but it works for me, and if I didn't do this I would go even more mad.

Make yourself a nice cup of tea, and shut your eyes :)

[Thimbleina]

I think you need to take some time out and not to give a damn about what piles up while you have a breather

[lina]

I hear ya sister! I've started to realise that I'm slipping to the bottom of my to do list these days, trying to do it all. Somehow taking care of myself has become a chore lately and I struggle to keep up with the basics of haircuts, eyebrow plucking and leg shaving some weeks. Now doesn't that make me sound attractive?!!!

[Kitty]

It's horrible isn't it? I have so many things in my head, it's inevitable that I forget some of them, and then it's even more rushed when I remember.

x

[beki]

Oh dear, I've been working on this for quite a while. I am proud to say that I am making progress. It CAN be done. It isn't easy, but you can take control and enjoy the moment. Yes, things will slide, but that's okay :-)

[bigbucketgirl]

Aha! This is where i find having a blue bum really helps! Despite having days where i seem to be on a perpetual waltzer it does mean that i have times to just chill! The pace of the week has slowed meaning that i'm not frowning 24/7!
Raspberry said she has a cleaning morning that sounds anal but the same here. I went 'back to school' and gave myself an old fashioned timetable! Working with it means i get free periods without feeling guilty for playing truant! It works here for us at the moment and yes it can sound anal but i do quite like my blue bum!

[janet clare]

I was talking (okay moaning!) about this exact same thing with a friend last week.

I must try to live in the moment more.

Tonight on our way home from school the boys were dawdling and throwing leaves at each other and we just weren't getting home and my head was full of chores to be done ( make tea, do the washing, do their homework, get Joe to beaver scouts etc) and then I realised they were both helpless with giggles and I suddenly really saw their lit up faces and stopped myself and enjoyed it all.

The chores waited for me :)

[French Knots]

Because some of us are rubbish at making ourselves a priority.

[miss chris]

Oh heavens, I'm a victim, too. And have got to say it has put me in the foulest of moods....

Hugs. (pretty photo, too)

[kristina]

You definitely aren't the only one. These days I seem to be making list after list, yet never getting to the bottom of any of them. And I just noticed today how the autumn--my favorite season--is already passing me by. Maybe we all need to take a little well-deserved break from our lists :) K x

[Kristy]

I think we all go through this especially as the seasons change.I think life becomes a little muddled just for a while until we get into our new grooves.Give yourself a break because seriously nothing is ever that important.

[sunny]

You're not alone!

I run from thing to thing, having a running to-do list in my head..always having to have a plan in place.

I've eased up a bit. I used to feel guilty if my home wasn't picked up perfectly every night...or if I hadn't done something "productive" with my evening..and watched reality shows on TV instead.

One night two things occurred to me:

1) there are no "Productivity Police" out there...monitoring me to see how productive I am each night...and checking off "productive?" "not productive?" on a list. That helped me not worry so much when I want to relax at night.

2) I was eating something and was satisfied, but wanted to keep going to clear my plate. It occurred to me that if some magic happened and kept my plate full so it never emptied, I'd have to decide on my own when I was satisfied. then somehow I related it to tasks..and realized there will always be more tasks. I can't get it all done once and for all.

when I realized that, it helped me take breaks from the busy/have a plan/running around to taking time to read a book at a cafe or watch a show.

shoot. this is long. sorry.

[AliceC]

I know what you are talking about. The permission thing. I wish I didn't and I could offer advice. But I do and I can't.

[Gina]

Ali, I really felt for you reading this post. I've been stuggling with this for some time now and it has started to make me feel ill. There was no balance in my life. Take time to step back and evaluate what is really important - and include yourself in that list! Take Care. x

[Gill]

I know how you feel, I never seem to have spare time, but I am trying to make a little time to do what I want to do rather than what I feel I have to do each week. And if that means the house doesn't get a clean well so be it. I've read a book this month, done bit of crochet, tried a couple of new recipes, been to some car boot sales, so I feel I've done some nice things in amongst the busyness of life. Hope you feel more balanced soon.

[Tilly]

I'm right there with you, and I don't even have to go out to work (at home with kiddies). My husband keeps suggesting that I create a sort of schedule so that I have 'allowed' time off which I don't need to feel guilty about. I'm not really a schedule kinda person but I think he might be right!

[Gina]

Ali, if you find that thief, just let me know and I will help you take him down, because there stealing from me too. My dream is to be that person that seems to walk and work at enjoyable pace, not a rushed bone it there body, but still the get more than my whole week. "An existence robbed of pleasure." ~ so true.

[jen]

when you find the answer can you please let me know...

[Jo]

Sometimes I think about when I was younger, say in my early 20s, and I would take a book and sit and read for hours, peacefully, quietly... Just an hour would be enough, I think, if I could find it.

[Cele]

I'm with you.

[Louise]

I was thinking about this as I drove to work today. I felt at that moment like I was buried under so much stuff that I would never see the light of day again. Then I got distracted by my lovely job. Tonight I'm giving myself permission to do nothing because I'm tired and quite frankly it will all be there tomorrow. Much of this stuff is self inflicted - projects I have agreed to and swaps and stuff but much of it is just life! I'm also really conscious of the fact that I was no where near this busy before my two older girls went to school and they got all my attention. I have made myself deliberately stop and let Daphne climb all the steps by herself when we're out and walk slowly instead of picking her up and racing her everywhere because I haven't got the time to stop. I think I will try the schedule in a loose format - it kind gives you permission to take a break - and enjoy it! Reading all these comments makes me feel really normal somehow - see blogging is never a waste of time ;)

[Helen]

I know what you mean. These last few weeks have gone by in a blur for me with my brain whirring away about the list of things to do even as I turn the bedside light out at midnight. I hope you manage to stop and take some time out to just sit and contemplate soon.

[Julia]

I recognise the signs - but sometimes you just have to give yourself a present. A present of time all wrapped up in a parcel of a quiet cup of coffee and a book or whatever you fancy and give the guilt to the rabbit (if you have one of course). You need space to be yourself sometimes, otherwise you'll just run out of steam and get snappy. That piles on more guilt - you don't need it - Breathe deeply and enjoy the flowers - we only get one life after all.

[The Coffee Lady]

I've been very much converted to regular relaxation by this woman - http://www.truewellbeing.net/podcast.html - her podcasts are aimed at mothers and I listen to them every week. They're really good and it has made a difference to me.

[Lucy Locket-Pocket]

Oh! I hope you feel better soon! It sounds like you are having a really bad time. Take care, Lucy xxx

[Thimbleanna]

I'm with you! If you figure out the solution, please let the rest of us similarly afflicted know!

[Barbara]

I read a great book over the summer - Making Time by Steve Taylor. It made me think more about how I spend my time, how much time I spend looking forwards and back instead of focussing on the here and now. Obviously it didn't tell me how to increase the time I have (now wouldn't that be something!) rather how to alter my perception of time. It was an interesting read and I have been trying to apply some of the ideas to my life. I still don't have enough time in my day to do all the things I want to do but maybe I'm learning to accept that. Good luck you. Bx

[simone]

I feel guilt ridden all the time with what I should be doing versus what I really want to be doing.

[monica]

"now shall I walk ro shall I ride? 'ride' pleasure said, 'walk' joy replied.

Just take it easy. The world is not going to stop spinning if we don't get it all done today (or even tomorrow...)

Failing that... a huge glass of wine might help.

[Gill]

I think it's just that time of year!
I feel exactly the same - in a constant state of rush and panic and time lost.
It always seems the same at this time every year but I have no idea why!
I'm riding it out! AS I know it will continue till Christmas - well for me anyway!

[julie]

I reckon that there's a time crunch as well as a credit crunch and it's not only our money that's not going as far as it used to but our hours have got shorter too. Reading the comments above confirms this for me as we all seem to be experiencing the same thing! I hope that you rediscover the pleasure again very soon - half term isn't far away so maybe a change of pace will bring it back?

[dottycookie]

Can you hear me shouting 'Me too!!!!'

Urghhhhh. Sometimes it feels like I'm drowning in it all.

[tracey petersen]

Don't forget to enjoy every moment - even the rushing and busy ones. Just look around and see how lovely life is as it rushes past you!

[Florence]

Ali, I so often feel the same way - I am so often rushing to get the next task done that I realise I don't take the time to stop and enjoy all the bits of loveliness that are there for the taking. I think there are phases in life where this happens to us all...but the realisation that it really is a pointless existance without the bits in between, as well as the fact that I am the only person that can change this for myself is often enough to set me back on a happier, slower-paced path.

x

[Alexis]

I feel exactly the same way!

[sarah]

I've just realised that this is actually the third time I've been back to leave a comment here, and only this time have I had the time, hmmm... but, yep, I'm feeling it too!

Today I've had the day off, but I've worked so hard in the last few days that I almost feel guilty for not doing much today, I feel like I've got too much to catch up on... I definitely need to learn to say no more often (or in fact at all!)

But I think reading your post, and all the lovely supportive comments here, has helped too, we're all in the same boat I suppose :)

[Lesley]

I know just how you feel Ali!! I always feel guilty for spending time doing my stuff as I just know everything else will be waiting for me when I've finished.

Having noticed that Moogsdad does not suffer this affliction I have slowly started to change my view...but still find it hard to spend money/time on things that are only for me...at least without making sure the laundry/housework/dinner/childcare are sorted first!!!

Have the coffee :)

xxxx

[manda]

I feel exactly the same. I sit here doing one thing whilst feeling crap about the other 4 things that I should be doing at the same time. Things are so crazy around here that tonight I actually took pleasure in the fact that Lily woke up unexpectedly and needed an extra feed because it meant that I got to sit in a dark room for twenty minutes.
I've been seriously thinking about setting myself a timetable so that I have some actual boundaries. Instead of enjoying it all I end up feeling like crap most of the time because I'm so worried about getting everything done.
Not good.

[Bev]

I know how you feel. What with Christmas and a new baby coming in November I just feel like I have so much to do and I never get round to anything!

Where does that time go?

[Amanda]

Essential read: The Grey Men or The Men in Grey (something like that, anyway) (published as Momo in Germany, I think). Written by Michael Ende, the author who wrote the Neverending Story. Genius. It explains it all!

[Mary]

Hi! I totally understand what you are saying. I work full time and struggle to find time to get things done. My diary helps me keep organised and I carry it everywhere.

[kim]

I do know exactly how you feel, at the moment my life seems to be full of "chores" although not all of them are "chores" merely things that need to be done. I'm not quite sure where this imperative comes from. It is hard sometimes to put yourself at the top, or near the top, of any list. Take care
Kimx

[Suzie sews]

Oh my! I relate to this so much. Two years ago I was on every committee, involved in Charity and community school work not to mention of course raising my babes and keeping house...I was a stress monkey and I was not a happy person. I did slow down, it was hard, but a similar experience of watching someone else enjoying their day made me take stock...I work hard on a couple of things now, but I say 'NO' if it will effect my time with the children, my creative side has flourished and I am so much happier... it was a turning point for me and I hope it will be for you too. Life is so precious and sometimes we just have to take stock. BUT no one said it would be easy!!! All the best and here's to a relaxing weekend for you.

[Lil' d]

I've been having one of those weeks when I run around like a headless chicken, yet seem to achieve little to nothing. I can deal with not taking time to relax.

My problem is that I have a husband that tells me that I don't do enough, while he has his feet up, relaxing.

and while I stand there thinking murderous thoughts...

[Tiel]

just do it Ali. set aside one hour or two every week to savour the moment. go get a pedicure... sit and sip a coffee and try a new pastry whilst reading a trashy magazine! it's all about making room on your plate.

[Laurie Stewart]

I have struggled in this way as well....and even though these words were hard to accept a very wise friend has said to me over and over "you can do anything, but you can't do everything"

[lazylol]

Ali - I know exactly what you mean. There are some great comments and advice from your fellow bloggers here.
I follow the timetable/rota thing too. Only I keep it as brief as possible and when those tasks are done, the rest of the time is mine. I am still busy but I find it helps.

[Esther]

Yep the time thief is most definitely in cahoots with the guilt goblin, we just can't win can we :)

[blackbird]

Oh, I'm feeling the same way at my new job - I won't give myself time for a coffee or lunch away from my desk. And I never had lunch with my pals when I was home, it felt so indulgent.
Woe is me.