One small step for a boy, one giant leap for motherkind

Things have been dominated this week on the back to school thing, or more specifically starting school for Johnny. Can he mange okay with changing for PE? Will a full day leave him exhausted?  Is there anything that will convince him to poo in an unfamiliar toilet? All the usual motherly concerns.

But amidst the clucking and preparation a little voice has been whispering - 'And you?'.

On Mark's first day at school, I was astonished at the sight of a mother of three (a perfectly sensible, practical woman) openly bawling as her smallest daughter skipped happily into Reception. Perhaps now I can understand the feeling of a child sized hole left in the pit of your stomach.

I am no longer the mother of small children. And the feeling is akin to the one I was hit by right after I gave birth. I really really miss my bump.

Thinking of Florence and Lucy and all the other mothers approaching the school gate with hankies stuffed in their pockets this week. If we manage to get up in the morning, of course.

 

Comments

[Kitty]

I'm not here. You can't see me - I'm really sorting through yet another box :-O

But I had to stop by and say 'the day No.2 started school full time, I howled for the entire day'. It was awful - I hadn't anticipated it at all, but I felt utterly bereft. My babies were gone.

I'll be thinking of you. xxx

[Helen]

Oh I know just what you mean - it's like cutting the cord all over again! My girl starts reception next week and my boy starts at playgroup 2 mornings a week. I'm feeling the wrench already (note to self - stock up on tissues) - and the worries, including the one about the unfamiliar toilets!

[Michelle]

Thanks, Ali. You kind of turned my day around today. Will relish the time I have with my little one instead of thinking how quickly I could do errands if she were in school, too (what a bad mommy I am!). Thinking of you, enjoy the boys after school gets out!

[Frogdancer]

My youngest child will be starting secondary school next year. It's the school I teach at.
Last week he came with me to work to get something printed, and as we walked through the gate he said, "Next year I'll be coming here."
I had a mental image of him dressed in a white business shirt and tie, with black leather shoes (all a little too big for him, probably) and I was appalled. Even though I've been looking forward to having all the boys at my school.
Where has my baby gone?

[pinkgreen]

I spent the first 2 weeks sobbing quietly to myself at home after dropping Ruth at school when she started Reception. As she was my 2nd (and last) I came home to an empty house, unlike with Grace. The joy and excitement that they both got (and still get) from school soon helped though. Good luck with the rest of the week - it will get easier.
Cathy XX

[lina]

Our turn on Thursday. Its the anticipation more than anything else that's killing me...!

[Tamara]

Oh, I am not looking forward to that day. Eddie keeps me company all day long and I love it.

Just as we had to recreate our identity when we became a mother, this is another time when we redefine ourselves.

Do take it easy though, I am sure it will be a process.

[Megan]

It's a long series of heartbreaks really, with long bits of great stuff in the middle.

Me, I'm still working on the "and you?" part of the equation. Toughest question I've ever faced.

[Lil' d]

My daughter starts preschool and my son starts school. I get the guilty feeling that I might be the mother skipping and dancing off down the street...

I did spend my evening 'testing' lunch boxes, to see which ones my son will be able to open by himself. See, I'm not heartless. I just don't have family nearby to babysit...

At least, I hope I don't cry.

[Kathryn]

This is so weird but I miss my bump already and I've still got 4 months to go before I give birth! It feels like I've only just got used to being pregnant and now I have to have a mind shift and get used to the idea that relatively soon, I won't be any more. I can't even imagine what it's going to be like to wave the littl'un off to nursery or school - I feel for you.
As for Johnny, I hope the toilet soon becomes familiar enough for him to poo in :)

[monica]

Oh Ali, as usual you're expressing just what I'm feeling. Even is the little one is still with me two mornings a week, I have three full days alone. With the dog.

And it does feel a bit sad.

[simone]

A milestone for me is realising that my little 'baby' now has the same shoe size as me.

[Gina]

Thinking about you - these are all such huge milestones in their lives but even bigger in your life. My eldest is moving out into his own flat this week - that really does feel like the apron strings being cut!

[Florence]

I hope the first day went well - I thought of you too. My little one's first day was better than I expected...both of us managed not to cry and he came out delighted by being such a big boy and happy to return the next day - we are currently zoning out in front of Noddy (what an obnoxious little squirt Noddy is...beastly child...his behaviour infuriates me...so perhaps I am not zoning out, but becoming irate!) as the experience has left both of us exhausted! x

[grumpy]

You must think long-term - I can assure you that there is no more satisfying moment than when your children have to get themselves up in the morning and go off to work and leave you, by now, happily retired back at home.

Sheer bliss!

[silverpebble]

I have this all to come! Hope it all went well - it must feel strange to have him at school, but satisfying too that he's reached another milestone and (hopefully) enjoys it! Hope the poo nerves disappear (my little one is the same).

[Dragonfly]

Time goes by so quickly... I hope you both survived without too many hiccups.

I'm struggling to believe that my baby is now in Year 8...

[Hay]

Now don't get me wrong I love my boys but I'm not what you would call an 'emotional' mum, or so I thought, once my youngest started primary full time, I too felt that empty hole in my stomach and spent the next few weeks feeling lonely rattling around the house on my own. And today was his first day at Secondary school. All dressed up in blazer and tie, sniffle! All my boys together, Yr13, Yr11 and Yr7.

[frances]

I must admit I didn't cry when Will started kindergarten two weeks ago. But I find that I'm really delighted to see him when school is out--it's like I appreciate him all the more now that he's not here the whole day.

On another note, I started fantasizing about adopting a baby girl last week. Hmmm ... wonder if there's a connection there.

Frances

[Lil' d]

Well, I didn't skip or dance down the street, but I also didn't cry. I thought I was doing fine, apart from the odd butterfly in the belly feeling. It was only on my way back home that I noticed that my hands were shaking.

[julia]

It still hasn't really sunk in that Kitty will be in school "properly" from now on, I'm not quite ready to let go. She, however, loved it and wants to go back! I hope it's going well for you.
Julia xx

[Lesley]

I'm such a bad mother...I face the new term with a great big smile on my face and walk into my peaceful empty home with a contented sigh!!
Having said that I do love the holidays and getting them home at the end of the day :)

xxx

[Lucy @ Attic24]

hi Ali
i have been thinking of you this week, I was wondering how you got on, and am sending you a (((hug))) to help with the pit of your stomach, I sSOOOoo know what you mean about that.

I'm in reprieve :this week :: my Little lady is sick and cannot start school now until next week if she is better by then. I am stupidly, ridiculously relieved she has a soaring temperature and i can spend a few unexpected days snuggling on the sofa administering nurofen and calpol. Shame on me.

please think of me on Monday ;o)
xxxx

[Lucy @ Attic24]

hi Ali
i have been thinking of you this week, I was wondering how you got on, and am sending you a (((hug))) to help with the pit of your stomach, I sSOOOoo know what you mean about that.

I'm in reprieve :this week :: my Little lady is sick and cannot start school now until next week if she is better by then. I am stupidly, ridiculously relieved she has a soaring temperature and i can spend a few unexpected days snuggling on the sofa administering nurofen and calpol. Shame on me.

please think of me on Monday ;o)
xxxx

[suse]

Oh boy, I well remember that feeling when my eldest started school. All of a sudden I was a Mum at the School Gate, not a Mum with a Pram and Babies.

And Ali? Before you know it, he'll start high school and you'll go through it all over again (I'm a High School Mum, etc etc).

[suse]

Oh, and I included a link to a post of mine titled 'fleeting' (about the starting of high school thing) and your comment box disallowed it!

[Feather Nester]

Oh, hang in there! I can only imagine the heartbreak. But it's a sign of great mothering that you've gotten them both safely and happily to this point. And you'll answer your "and you?" question with time. Give yourself a chance to enjoy the breather before you figure out what's next. You deserve a pat on the back. (But I also can't wait to read the answer when you discover it!)

[Rebecca]

This is Tilly's second year of full-time school and Dylan has just entered Year 5 (how can that be???) and I still am choked with tears every morning of the first week back to school. In fact, my eyes are filling thinking about it right now.

[dottycookie]

Hugs Ali. I have a year left of having a preschooler and we are making the most of it - that's why I gave up work after all. Our school is lovely, and her sister is happy there and I know she will have a great time - but I'm still not looking forward to it.

[Angel Jem]

Yes! I know the feeling! When the Princess left home to start school, I had to be carried off to Borders crying all over my latte by a good friend... it did only last a week, until my first grown up shopping trip. You mean there is nobody pulling on my sleeve to say "get away from those clothes now, Mummy can we go home, I'm thirsty"? Whoo-hoo!

[Lisa Lam]

Aw Ali,

I'm sure you (and all of the other Mum's here) feel this way because you all did such a good job in preparing the little chap for this 'not such a little chap anymore' day.

Looking forward to seeing all of the lovely things that you get up to fill up the day.

X

[Isabelle]

I remember it well. Sympathy. But it's much worse when they leave home forever! (she says comfortingly).

[Michaela]

I work as a teaching assistant in a reception class. Every year I get upset at the little children starting school - they often look so tiny and scared. But once their parents have gone (more often than not in tears) they seem to change, to adapt and become these confident little independent beings. Some of course remain timid, but not for long.

We take good care of them, understanding exactly what parents are going through. And as to the pooing on a strange toilet, fear not, the ones that don't manage it, get cleaned up quickly with no loss to their dignity. Be more concerned about the ones that come back into the class room with pants round ankles who bend over in your face asking if their bottoms are clean!!!